Who decided that a swimming lesson in the school day was a good idea? They obviously have never taken a class to a pool themselves.
Take a class I taught several years ago. They went to a swimming pool close to their school. Walking along the street in pairs, with a teacher, a teaching assistant, a parent or helper strategically placed every 3 pairs to avoid problems.
Where was I? I was always walking with the 'unique' boys. You know the ones that I refer to. The ones that can manage in the split second that you are looking the other way to have caused some sort of catastrophe. The ones that when you ask them what have they done, they reply with that standard answer of "I didn't do it, it was [add name of other disruptive child in class]".
You do wonder if they will ever learn that teachers find this inadvertant grassing up of their friends refreshing to hear.
Anyway, after a walk to the pool it was a changing frenzy - in less time that it takes to hang a coat on the hook, and change shoes for some indoor poolside ones, they are changed and ready. Can they write this fast? Can they learn there tables this fast? NO. But they are able to change for swimming at the speed of light. Of course! Can it be explained though, of course not. It shouldn't even be thought about.
So finally at the poolside, they slide into the freezing water - somewhere there is a leisure centre manual that states under rule 15, section 27, paragraph 40, that under no circumstances should the pool temperature for school swimming lessons rise aboove 1 degree celcius. The poor children shiver and shake before starting to swim backwards and forwards. Backwards and fowards. Endlessly backwards and forwards. Legs only. Arms only. Arms and legs. Back to legs only because they've forgotten what to do with them since they were taught a mere 5 minutes ago. Questioning the group asking whose float is serenely bobbing off towards the deep end of the pool way out of the reach of anyone at all. Simply cast adrift and allowed to explore the pool.
So the lesson ends, and they head back to the changing rooms. Forget changing at the speed of light, now we have the opposite problem. Children unable to dress themselves faster than an arthritic snail. Reminder after reminder to get dressed, and the constant questions to ask them;
* "Whose socks are on the floor?"
* "Who's left their towel on the floor?"
* "Has anyone seen Jeffreys trousers? He can't find them!"
And the all time best one that I have had to ask, once all the class were dressed and lined up;
* "Whose pants are these? Who forgot to put them on?!!"
Finally, the group is ready and the trudge back to school begins - in pairs, all the girls busy trying to brush their hair, and all the boys trying to make their hair stand up.
And has the swimming lesson worn out the unique children I am walking close too? No, of course not, now they decide that rubbing their bag against the railings makes a great sound, that bumping into each other is a great game, and that finding out just what annoys me is the best way to walk back to school.
But what about when the little angels travel to the pool by coach. That is a whole new story.
More to come...
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